Relapse Series - Part 1 of 5
Part 1: Understanding Relapse ← you’re here
Part 2: The Relapse Cycle: How It Builds and Breaks
Part 3: How to Prevent Relapse: Building a Strong Foundation
Part 4: Recovering After Relapse: Moving Forward Stronger
Part 5: Relapse-Resistant Momentum: Lasting Sobriety
When we drink again after a period without alcohol, the first thought can be brutal: I’ve blown it. All the sober days suddenly feel pointless. We may feel embarrassed, angry or completely fed up with ourselves.
But drinking again doesn’t wipe out the time we didn’t drink or everything we learned during it. It does tell us there’s still something we need to deal with.
And the sooner we deal with it, the less chance alcohol has to become part of our life again.
What relapse actually means
Relapse means returning to drinking after a period without alcohol. That might be one drinking session, or it might keep going for days, weeks or longer.
People sometimes use the word lapse for one drink or one night, and relapse for a full return to the old pattern. The wording isn’t the most important part. Drinking has started again, and we need to respond.
One drink doesn’t have to become one month. But we shouldn’t brush it off like it means nothing either.
Willpower is only one part of it
If relapse was only about discipline, people who are strong and capable in every other part of life wouldn’t keep struggling with it. We’ve already looked at why willpower on its own often isn’t enough.
We can start drinking again when several things come together. We might be under pressure, sleeping badly, feeling low, spending time around alcohol or dealing with a situation we didn’t expect.
And in the middle of that, the old thought that alcohol will help can start sounding believable again. Sometimes there are warning signs for days. Other times it can feel sudden.
Either way, calling it weakness doesn’t explain what happened and doesn’t help us deal with it.
The old reasons for drinking can come back
We can stop drinking while part of us still believes alcohol helps us relax, switch off, socialise or cope. That old belief may stay quiet for a while, especially when life is going well.
Then we have a hard day, an argument, a celebration or a quiet evening, and alcohol starts looking useful again.
The situation didn’t make us drink. But it might have brought the old reason for drinking back. So it helps to ask what we expected alcohol to do for us in that moment.
That answer usually tells us more than saying a trigger caused it.
Sober time can make us drop our guard
After some time without alcohol, we may start feeling safe. We aren’t thinking about drinking as much, life feels more normal and the worst parts of it don’t feel as close. That’s a good thing.
It can also make us forget why we stopped or start wondering whether drinking would be different now.
The thought might be, “I’ve proved I can stop, so I can probably handle one now.” But once alcohol is back in our system, one drink may bring back the desire for another.
Feeling confident is good. We just don’t want that confidence to make us forget what alcohol was doing to us.
Relapse can be physically risky
There’s also a physical risk. After a period without alcohol, our tolerance may be lower. Going straight back to the amount we used to drink can affect us much more strongly and raise the risk of alcohol poisoning.
And if heavy drinking starts again, the physical drinking and withdrawal cycle may start building again too. That makes acting early even more important.
So we take relapse seriously. And we deal with it without using it as another reason to attack ourselves.
Shame can keep the drinking going
The first drink isn’t always what turns a relapse into weeks of drinking. The thought that we’ve already ruined everything can do far more damage.
Once we tell ourselves the sober time no longer counts, drinking again tonight becomes easier to justify. Then tomorrow gets pushed back as well.
This is where the delay after relapse can become a much bigger problem than the first drink.
We don’t need to pretend the relapse didn’t happen. And we don’t have to turn it into permission to keep drinking.
What the relapse can tell us
Once we’re safe and thinking clearly, we look back at what was happening before we drank. Had we started thinking about alcohol more often? Were we remembering the good parts and leaving out the cost?
Had we stopped doing something that was helping? Was there a situation we hadn’t prepared for? Or did alcohol start looking useful again?
We don’t need a perfect explanation. We’re just looking for the point where our thinking or behaviour began to change.
That gives us something real to work on instead of repeating, “I failed,” and learning nothing from it.
We need to deal with it quickly
A relapse is serious. We still don’t have to keep drinking. We act as soon as we can.
We speak to someone we trust, get professional help if we need it and deal with whatever helped alcohol look like the answer again. If a stopping plan applies to us, we follow it and keep moving back towards sobriety.
And then we look at the relapse cycle so we can see where to step in earlier next time.
Drinking again doesn’t prove we can’t stop. It tells us something still needs attention. And the best time to deal with it is now, before alcohol becomes our normal again.
— Brent