Relapse Series - Part 3 of 5
Part 1: Understanding Relapse: Why It Happens
Part 2: The Relapse Cycle: How It Builds and Breaks
Part 3: How to Prevent Relapse ← you’re here
Part 4: Recovering After Relapse: Moving Forward Stronger
Part 5: Relapse-Resistant Momentum: Lasting Sobriety
Relapse prevention can seem like it’s a list of situations we need to avoid.
Don’t go here. Don’t see those people. Don’t get too stressed. Don’t let the thought of drinking catch us by surprise.
But the thing is, we can’t control every day that closely. There will be pressure, arguments, celebrations, bad sleep and times when alcohol is right there in front of us. And a strong foundation can give us something to rely on when those difficult moments come up.
We can’t prepare for everything. But we can do a lot before we ever get to the point of seriously thinking about a drink.
The work starts before the difficult moment
If our plan only starts when we’re already seriously thinking about drinking, we’ve left it very late. By then, we might be tired, wound up or standing somewhere alcohol is easy to get.
The relapse cycle usually starts long before the first drink. We begin thinking differently about alcohol. We replay the part we liked and barely think about the cost. Then we make a few smaller decisions that bring alcohol closer.
So the first drink isn’t our only chance to stop what’s happening. There are usually earlier points where we can catch it.
Know how it normally starts for us
We don’t need to make a list of everything that could make us want to drink. We need to know what normally happens with us.
Maybe it starts when work finishes and we’re still carrying the day. It could happen when we’re alone, when everyone else is drinking or when something has gone well and we want to celebrate.
And then what do we usually do?
Do we start thinking about the good parts of drinking? Do we stop talking to the people who help us? Do we buy alcohol “just in case”? Or do we begin making an exception before we admit that’s what we’re doing?
Once we know our usual pattern, we can notice when we’re starting to follow it again.
Deal with the reasons alcohol still looks useful
Stopping doesn’t automatically remove every good thing we still connect with drinking. Relaxing, switching off, celebrating and feeling comfortable around people can all still seem tied to alcohol.
Those beliefs might not bother us when everything’s going well. But after a difficult day, they can come straight back.
That’s why we need to look at the belief behind the desire to drink. Did alcohol really give us what we thought it did? And what happened after the first drink, including where the night took us and what the following morning was like?
Then when the thought comes back, we’re less likely to believe it.
Don’t make drinking easy
There’s no prize for keeping alcohol in the house and proving we can resist it.
If there’s no alcohol at home, we’ve added time between the thought and the drink. And that gives us a chance to think before we act.
If we know an event could be difficult, we can decide what we’ll order, how long we’ll stay and how we’ll get home before we go. We could also tell one person what we’re doing instead of carrying the whole decision on our own.
All of this gives willpower less work to do. We’re not waiting until alcohol is right in front of us and hoping we make the right decision.
Deal with the obvious things early
Being hungry, tired, wound up or completely worn down doesn’t make us drink. But it can make an old answer seem more believable.
So we deal with the obvious things before we’re running on empty. We eat properly, get enough sleep, move around, take a real break and stop pretending we can keep pushing without it affecting us. Sometimes the thought of drinking turns up when our body is asking for something much simpler.
That won’t explain every desire to drink. It just means we’re not making an already difficult moment harder than it needs to be.
Know what we’ll do when it starts
It helps to decide before it happens what we’ll do when we notice ourselves heading towards a drink. Maybe we leave the room, call someone, eat, use breathwork, go for a walk or read the reason we stopped. The point is to choose something before we’re in the middle of the moment and trying to work it out.
And if the thought is still there, we keep putting time between ourselves and the drink. We don’t have to sort out the rest of our life right then. We just need to get through that part without drinking.
Don’t let feeling good catch us out
Relapse can happen after a terrible week. It can also happen when life is going well and we stop doing the things that helped us.
Alcohol hasn’t been a problem for a while, so we start thinking the problem has gone. We put ourselves back into situations we’re not ready for. Or one drink begins to look harmless again.
Feeling confident is a good thing. We just don’t want to turn that confidence into permission to drink.
So we keep doing the things that have made life better, even when we no longer feel like we need them.
And if a difficult moment comes up, we’re not trying to work everything out from scratch. We already know what tends to lead us towards alcohol and what we can do instead. That gives us a much better chance of getting through it without drinking.
— Brent