Relapse Series - Part 2 of 5
Part 1: Understanding Relapse: Why It Happens
Part 2: The Relapse Cycle ← you’re here
Part 3: How to Prevent Relapse: Building a Strong Foundation
Part 4: Recovering After Relapse: Moving Forward Stronger
Part 5: Relapse-Resistant Momentum: Lasting Sobriety
From the outside, a relapse can look like one decision: we drank. But looking back usually shows a few smaller things that led up to it. Maybe we’d had a hard week. Then the thought of drinking started coming up more often.
We remembered the relief, started making exceptions and slowly made it easier to drink.
The first drink is the part everyone sees. But as we covered in Understanding Relapse, it might not be where the relapse began.
The cycle won’t look exactly the same for everyone
Relapse doesn’t always follow a neat set of stages. Sometimes the build-up is obvious. Other times it moves quickly and we only see the earlier signs afterwards.
But there’s often a pattern. Something happens, alcohol starts looking useful again, we give ourselves permission and the next decision becomes easier.
We don’t need to memorise a perfect diagram. We just need to recognise how it tends to happen for us.
Something puts us under pressure
The cycle can begin with stress, poor sleep, an argument, loneliness, boredom or feeling worn down. It could also begin with something positive, like a holiday, a celebration or seeing people we used to drink with.
That can be enough for the old drinking response to start coming back. At this stage, we might not be planning to drink at all. We just feel off, restless or like something is missing.
The old answer comes back
Then the thought comes up: A drink would sort this out. We might not agree with it straight away, but the old belief is back.
We remember the relief, the fun or the break from thinking. The poor sleep, anxiety, wasted time and regret often don’t feel as important in that moment.
So alcohol starts looking like a reasonable answer because we’re only looking at the part we want right now.
We start giving ourselves permission
The thought of drinking then turns into an argument. Maybe it’s, “I’ve been good for months.” Or, “I’ll only drink tonight.” We might tell ourselves the situation is different now, we’ve learned our lesson or we’ll control it this time.
At this point, we’re no longer asking whether drinking is a good idea. We’re trying to find a reason that makes it feel okay.
And once we accept one of those reasons, it gets much harder to say no.
We make drinking easier
Next, we can start doing small things that bring alcohol closer. We stay longer at the event, go into the alcohol aisle, keep a bottle at home or avoid telling anyone what we’re thinking.
We might still say we haven’t decided. But we’ve started removing the things that were helping us not to drink.
We haven’t poured a drink yet, but we’ve made it much easier to do.
The first drink changes the next decision
Once we have the first drink, sticking to the original rule can become much harder. The alcohol is affecting our judgement, and the desire for another drink could already be there.
The promise was one drink. Then it becomes two because we’ve already started. After that, the thought might be, “I’ve ruined it now, so I may as well keep going.”
That thought turns one decision into the rest of the night.
Stopping gets pushed back
The next morning, we might fully intend to stop again. But we feel rough, disappointed and tired, and drinking again can look easier than facing it.
So we say tomorrow, the weekend or next Monday. That delay gives alcohol time to become part of the routine again.
And if heavy drinking continues, we could start feeling anxious, shaky, sweaty or sick when the alcohol wears off.
Now the drinking and withdrawal cycle might be involved as well. And alcohol can start feeling like something we need just to feel normal.
The earlier we notice it, the more options we have
We usually have more options before alcohol is in front of us. That might be when the old thought first comes up, when we start making exceptions or when we notice ourselves moving closer to a drink.
We can step away from the situation, talk to someone, look at the full cost again or use whatever has helped us through that kind of moment before.
But if we’ve already had a drink, it still isn’t too late to stop one night from turning into weeks. The “I’ve already ruined it” thought doesn’t have to decide what happens next.
If heavy drinking has returned, dealing with the physical side is part of breaking the relapse cycle. We don't use it as another reason to keep drinking.
We can break the cycle at any point
We won’t always notice the cycle at the same point. Sometimes we’ll catch the first thought. Other times we’ll notice ourselves making excuses. And there may be times when we’ve already drunk before we realise what’s happening.
Wherever we notice it, we deal with the next decision in front of us.
Even after a drink, the next one isn’t automatic. We can still decide not to keep going.
— Brent
Next up: How to Prevent Relapse: Building a Strong Foundation