This article is part of The Belief Bucket series, where we examine ten common beliefs about alcohol.
- Introduction: What is the Belief Bucket?
- Belief #1 – Relaxation (Alcohol helps me relax)
- Belief #2 – Happiness (Alcohol makes me happy)
- Belief #3 – Reward (Alcohol is my reward)
- Belief #4 – The Rosy Effect (Remembering only the good times)
- Belief #5 – Taste (Alcohol tastes amazing)
- Belief #6 – Social Ally (Alcohol helps me socially) ← you’re here
- Belief #7 – Sleep (Alcohol helps me sleep)
- Belief #8 – Moderate Drinking (Our obsession)
- Belief #9 – Boredom (Alcohol solves boredom)
- Belief #10 – The Buzz (Alcohol feels amazing)
Sometimes we believed we were better with people after a few drinks.
We felt less awkward. We talked sooner, worried less and stopped watching everything we said.
And because we felt more comfortable, we assumed everyone else enjoyed being around us more as well. And maybe they did, at least at the start.
But we also talked too much, repeated ourselves, interrupted people or woke up wondering whether we’d made a fool of ourselves. So alcohol did change how social we felt.
So the question is, did it actually help us connect?
The awkward beginning is normal
The beginning of a social event can feel a bit awkward. We walk into a room, work out who’s there, decide where to stand and try to join a conversation that has already started.
For a few minutes, we might feel uncomfortable or not know what to say. That doesn’t mean we’re bad with people. We just need a little time to feel comfortable.
Alcohol could make us care less about that part, so we started believing we needed it to get through the door. But if we always drank at the beginning, we never got much chance to find out whether the awkwardness would have passed by itself.
Why we felt more confident
A few drinks could make us stop caring so much about how we were coming across.
We spoke without rehearsing everything first. We laughed more easily and didn’t notice every pause in the conversation.
Of course that felt easier. But just because we stopped worrying didn’t mean we were doing better socially. We might have missed signals, stopped listening properly or carried on with a story long after everyone else had lost interest.
Most of us have been sober around someone who thought they were being hilarious after several drinks. They thought the night was going brilliantly. Everyone else might not have found them quite as funny.
And we could have been that person too.
Were we connecting or just drinking together?
Some of our drinking friendships were real. We laughed together and cared about each other.
But alcohol also gave us something to do all night.
We met at the same places, ordered the same drinks and told the same stories. Silence didn’t feel as awkward because everyone was busy drinking.
Then we stopped drinking. Some friendships carried on normally. Others felt different because drinking had been most of what we did together.
That doesn’t make the whole friendship fake. Drinking may just have been a bigger part of it than we realised.
And sometimes we just don’t connect with someone or don’t want to be at an event. Alcohol may have made it easier to stay, but it didn’t make us genuinely enjoy being there.
Alcohol can make socialising without it feel harder
If we drank at nearly every social event, the thought of going without it could make us uncomfortable before we even left home.
We pictured standing there with nothing to say while everyone else relaxed and had fun. So we took that worry as proof that we needed a drink.
It could become an automatic thought: social event means alcohol. And every time we followed it, the belief got stronger. So we never found out that the first ten minutes could feel strange and then pass.
What happened afterwards?
So we need to think about the whole event, including how we felt afterwards.
Did we remember the conversations? Did we listen properly? Did we feel closer to anyone the next day?
Or did we wake up checking our phone, replaying parts of the night or worrying that we’d said too much?
Some of us felt more anxious after drinking than we had before the event. And if we needed a few drinks just to tolerate the people or the situation, maybe we didn’t actually enjoy being there.
The drink may have felt like it helped us relax. Then we may have woken up more tense or anxious afterwards.
We can still be social without alcohol
Socialising without alcohol may feel awkward at first. There’s no point pretending every event suddenly becomes easy.
We may take a little longer to feel comfortable. We might speak less at the beginning or decide we’ve had enough and leave earlier.
That doesn’t mean we’ve become less social. We can listen properly, remember what people told us and know exactly what we said and did.
We also don’t have to be the loudest or funniest person in the room. Most people aren’t sitting there judging how entertaining we are.
And when we genuinely like someone, we can still have a good conversation without alcohol. Alcohol may have made the first awkward part feel easier, but we were still the ones doing the talking, listening and laughing. Next, we’ll look at whether alcohol helps us sleep.
— Brent
Next in the series: Belief #7 – Sleep (Alcohol helps me sleep) →