Calling heavy drinking “just a habit” can make us feel even worse. Because habits are supposed to be simple. We notice them, stop doing them and replace them with something better.
So when we promise not to drink and still end up drinking, we question ourselves. Maybe we’re weak. Maybe we don’t want it badly enough. Maybe we’re just not as disciplined as we thought.
But for those of us drinking heavily, alcohol is tied into much more than routine. Our body might expect it, the thought can come up automatically and some part of us could still believe alcohol gives us something we need. So yes, drinking can become a habit. It’s just not the whole story.
How drinking starts to feel automatic
We might drink at the same time, in the same chair, from the same glass and after the same part of the day. We can walk into the kitchen and reach for the bottle without feeling like we’ve made a fresh decision. Those routines matter. The time, place and what we’re doing can all bring up the thought of drinking.
But if routine was the whole problem, changing the glass or keeping busy for an hour would sort it out. For many of us, it doesn’t.
Our body can start expecting alcohol
When we drink heavily and regularly, the same amount can start doing less. We need more before we notice the same feeling. That rising tolerance is a sign that our body and brain have adjusted to alcohol being there.
And if dependence is developing, we could feel anxious, shaky, sweaty, sick or generally wrong before the next drink. Those could be withdrawal symptoms. Another drink can seem to fix that feeling, at least for a while.
Now we could be drinking to change a feeling that repeated drinking helped create in the first place. And once tolerance or withdrawal is involved, we’re clearly dealing with more than a habit.
The thought can arrive before the decision
Work finishes. We sit down for dinner. Friday afternoon arrives. We feel stressed, bored or restless. And the thought turns up: “A drink would be good.” We don’t always stop and decide whether drinking is a good idea. The situation has brought up an old thought pattern we’ve followed hundreds of times before.
And because the thought comes up in our own voice, it can feel like what we want right now, even when it’s really an old response.
Drinking again and again can also change the brain over time. That helps explain why the pull towards alcohol can become so strong even when we know exactly what it’s costing us.
The belief behind the habit
Then there’s what we still believe alcohol does for us. Maybe we believe it helps us relax, switch off, feel confident, enjoy the evening or reward ourselves after a hard day. If those beliefs are still there, not drinking can feel like losing something.
We can pour a soft drink, change seats and follow a completely different routine, but still sit there wishing we were drinking alcohol. The behaviour has changed. The desire hasn’t.
That’s why it helps to look closely at what we believe alcohol gives us and compare that promise with what actually happens. Otherwise, we’re trying to remove the drink while keeping all the reasons we think we need it.
Why habit fixes only go so far
Changing the routine can still help. Moving the bottle, changing the after-work routine or having something else ready to drink can make the decision easier.
The problem comes when we expect those changes to do the whole job. A new routine can’t deal with withdrawal or automatically change the thought that alcohol will make everything feel better.
So when a few habit changes don’t work, the answer isn’t to blame ourselves or rely even harder on willpower alone. We need to look at the rest of the pattern.
We have to deal with the whole pattern
So what do we do? We stop treating every drink as one isolated bad decision. We look at when the thought normally appears, what we’re feeling and what alcohol is promising.
And if we're getting withdrawal symptoms, we recognise that physical discomfort for what it is. Another drink may change it for a while, but it keeps the alcohol cycle going.
Then we make the decision easier to follow. We change what we can, make alcohol less available, plan for the times the thought normally appears and keep looking at whether alcohol really gives us what we expect. We’re finally dealing with more than the routine.
It was never just a habit
Drinking does have a habitual side. But calling it just a habit leaves out too much: tolerance, possible dependence, automatic thoughts and all the things we still believe the drink will do for us.
So if we’ve wondered why we couldn’t just stop, this is why. We were trying to fix the routine while everything else was still there. Once we see the whole pattern, we can stop beating ourselves up and start changing what’s actually keeping the drinking going.
— Brent