Hidden Mechanisms - Part 5 of 5
Part 1: Mild Withdrawals: Why They Mislead Us
Part 2: The Mental Shortcut: Why We Avoid Internal Conflict
Part 3: Overloaded Thinking: When Drinking Thoughts Take Over
Part 4: Why Alcohol Memories Can Trigger Cravings
Part 5: The Social Scam ← you’re here
Recap: Hidden Mechanisms That Keep Us Drinking (Recap)
Most of us had learnt a lot about alcohol before we ever tasted it. We saw adults drink when they relaxed, celebrated, went out, watched sport, had dinner or got through a difficult day.
Films and advertising showed the same thing. We saw attractive people, good food, laughter, holidays and success, usually with alcohol right there.
By the time we had our first drink, alcohol already seemed to belong in a good life.
And we weren’t coming to alcohol without already having ideas about it. We’d been shown for years what alcohol was supposed to mean.
We learnt it by watching
No one had to sit us down and tell us that adults drank. We could see it.
Alcohol appeared at weddings, birthdays, family gatherings, work events and nights out. People joked about needing a drink after a hard week and talked about wine or beer as a reward.
When alcohol keeps showing up in the same situations, we start connecting the two. Alcohol became part of relaxing, going out, growing up and being one of the group. And because almost everyone around us treated it as normal, there was no obvious reason to question it.
We were shown the good part
The picture was never complete. We saw the toast, the first drink and the laughter at the table. We didn’t see the argument on the way home, the person awake at three in the morning, the morning anxiety or someone pouring a drink in secret because they no longer felt right without it.
Nearly all of that happened behind closed doors.
We mostly saw the celebration. The dependence, regret and fear usually happened where nobody else could see it.
That made it easy to believe the good part came from alcohol and the bad part only happened to people who took it too far.
Why alcohol gets the credit
Think about a room at the start of a social event.
People might be a little awkward at first. Then time passes, conversations get going and everyone becomes more familiar with each other.
Alcohol is often there, so we give it the credit for everyone loosening up.
But alcohol didn’t create the conversation or the laughter. The people did.
And when alcohol is always there, the belief that alcohol makes us social can become very strong. If alcohol made us feel less awkward for a while, we could remember that first bit of relief and give it credit for every good moment that followed.
Why belonging can pull us in
A lot of us don’t want to feel like the odd one out. When the group orders drinks, joining in can feel easier than being the person who says no.
We may not even want the drink very much. We might want the moment to stay comfortable and not have to explain ourselves.
Then when we stop drinking, people ask questions.
“Why aren’t you drinking?”
“Are you sure?”
“Just have one.”
They might not be trying to cause a problem. Our decision has changed a routine the group is used to.
But even casual pressure can bring back the old feeling that drinking is how we stay part of things.
Advertising keeps the story going
Alcohol adverts rarely focus on the alcohol itself. They show us the life around it.
We see friendship, confidence, romance, adventure or a beautiful place, with alcohol sitting in the middle and looking like it created all of it. And we see that message again and again, often without paying much attention. It doesn’t have to make us buy a particular brand to affect us.
It can keep alcohol looking normal and make it seem like it belongs in a good life. We rarely see the damage. So we keep seeing the good part again and again, and most of the damage stays hidden.
The story follows us into heavy drinking
Those old ideas don’t disappear just because drinking stops being fun. We could be drinking alone, hiding bottles or waking up frightened about our health, and still picture alcohol as part of relaxation or a good night out. Even when our own drinking looks nothing like the adverts or celebrations, part of us might still see alcohol that way.
So quitting can feel like we’re giving up part of our social life or something we used to enjoy, even when alcohol hasn’t given us those things for a long time.
Start questioning what looks normal
We don’t need to become angry every time someone pours a drink. We can notice what the advert or situation is telling us about alcohol.
We can ask what alcohol is actually getting the credit for. The people, food, music and celebration would still be there without it. And we can notice the part of the story we’re not being shown.
Then we can start to see what alcohol was really adding, if anything. When we stop treating drinking like something we have to do to belong, we can make our own decision without needing a label or a long explanation. The people, conversations and good moments were already there.
Alcohol was there often enough that we started giving it the credit. The other hidden mechanisms are covered in Hidden Mechanisms That Keep Us Drinking.
— Brent