We can be completely sure we’re going to stop drinking and still end up drinking again. We meant the promise. We knew what alcohol was costing us and we had every reason to leave it alone. But the promise didn’t change what was happening in our body, the things we still believed about alcohol or the thoughts that came up automatically.
So there are usually a few things going on, and we need to deal with all of them.
See what keeps pulling us back
Drinking can look random if we only look at the moment we poured the first one. But something usually happened before that. We might have felt alcohol wearing off. We could have had a stressful day, pictured the drink on the way home or told ourselves we deserved one.
Other times, a place, a person or the time of day brought the thought up without any effort from us. When we start noticing what happens before the drink, the pattern becomes much easier to see. So it helps to look at how the alcohol trap works in our own life.
Take physical dependence seriously
If we drink heavily or regularly, our body may have adapted to alcohol being there. We might wake up anxious, sweaty, shaky, nauseous or unable to sleep. We could feel better after the first drink and take that as proof that alcohol calms us down. But it could be withdrawal easing for a while.
And if another drink eases it, that can make alcohol look like the answer. It isn't. The drink has only interrupted the discomfort for a while. Then the same cycle starts again as alcohol wears off.
Question what alcohol still seems to give us
Even while alcohol is hurting us, part of us could still see it as the thing that helps us sleep, relax, cope or enjoy the evening. Those beliefs keep alcohol looking like it still has something to offer. And they can hang around despite all the bad experiences.
We remember the first wave of relief, then leave out the poor sleep, the anxiety, the lost time and the promise we broke afterwards. The Belief Bucket gives us ten common beliefs to look at, but we might have our own as well. Then we ask ourselves: when we remember everything that happened and how we felt the next day, did alcohol really give us what we expected?
We’re just looking at what alcohol promised and what really happened.
Catch the familiar thoughts earlier
Often, drinking starts with a thought we’ve had many times before.
“I’ve had a hard day.”
“I’ll only have a couple.”
“I’ll stop again tomorrow.”
These thoughts can sound reasonable because they’re familiar. And if we only notice them when the bottle is already open, we’re catching the pattern very late. It helps to notice the automatic drinking thought as soon as it comes up and ask what it’s trying to lead us into.
We don’t have to argue with it for an hour. We can recognise it as an old response and stop giving it a free run.
Have something to do when the pressure hits
We can understand the trap and still have difficult moments. We may still be tired, stressed or overwhelmed. A memory might come up. Someone could offer us a drink when we’re not expecting it. So we need something simple we can do while the pressure passes.
That might mean eating, getting out of the situation, calling someone, going for a walk, distracting ourselves or going to bed early. What helps depends on what’s actually going on. If we're hungry, food could help. If our head is full, stepping away might help. If it's withdrawal discomfort, we recognise that another drink only keeps the cycle going and follow any stopping plan that applies to us.
We don’t want every uncomfortable feeling to keep turning into a reason to drink.
Keep coming back to what we know
Having one clear day doesn’t mean the old thoughts will disappear straight away. Old thoughts and memories might still come up for a while, especially when life is difficult. And we keep coming back to what we already know.
Alcohol didn’t solve the stress, anxiety or boredom. It changed how we felt for a short time and gave us more to deal with afterwards. And each time we do something different, the old answer can start feeling less automatic. So we keep coming back to the same things: see the trap, deal with the physical side, question what alcohol seems to offer and do something different when those thoughts come up.
We don’t have to get everything right. We just need to stop treating another drink as the answer.
— Brent