Some of us thought the alcohol trap only happened to other people.
We were still working, paying the bills, looking after people and doing what needed to be done. So even if we drank heavily, we could point to everything we were still managing and tell ourselves we were fine.
But the thing is, alcohol doesn’t have to destroy everything before it has us caught.
The trap usually happens through smaller changes. We drink a bit more, start a bit earlier and rely on it for more parts of life.
And because each change feels normal by the time the next one comes along, we might not notice how much our drinking has changed.
How the trap begins
Most of us didn’t start drinking because we wanted to become dependent on alcohol.
We drank because it was there. It was what people did socially, it helped us feel different or it seemed to take the edge off a difficult day.
At first, the drink may have felt optional. We could take it or leave it, and there were plenty of days when alcohol didn’t cross our mind.
Then alcohol started getting tied to more parts of life.
A hard day meant a drink. Friday meant a drink. Dinner, celebrations, boredom and time with certain people all started including alcohol.
We weren’t making one big decision to let alcohol take over more of our life. We were making lots of smaller decisions that started to feel automatic.
When we start relying on alcohol
Alcohol can change how we feel quickly, and our brain remembers quick relief. So when stress, anxiety or restlessness comes up again, the thought of a drink could appear before we’ve considered anything else.
Then alcohol starts doing more jobs.
We use it to relax, sleep, socialise, celebrate, cope, get rid of boredom or stop thinking for a while. The more jobs we give it, the harder it can be to picture life without it.
And as our drinking loops become familiar, the drink can start feeling like the obvious next thing to do. That’s when we can start relying on alcohol more than we realise.
The line keeps moving
Maybe we used to wait until the weekend. Then Thursday started counting as the weekend.
Maybe we only drank in the evening, then we began pouring one while we cooked. Later, the first drink moved earlier again.
Our pours got bigger. The bottle didn’t last as long. A night off started feeling uncomfortable.
Each change was easy to brush off at the time. But when we put them together, we can see how far the line has moved.
And when our tolerance has been rising, we could end up drinking much more to get the feeling or relief that a smaller amount used to give us.
That isn’t proof that we handle alcohol well. It means our brain and body have adapted to having it there.
Why capable people can miss it
Being smart, disciplined or successful doesn’t make us immune. And being able to keep performing can help us hide the problem from ourselves for longer.
We compare our drinking with someone who looks worse. We focus on the work we still get done. We tell ourselves we would stop before it became serious.
And every time we get through another day, we use that as evidence that we’re still in control. We can get through the day and keep a lot of life moving while alcohol still decides how our evenings go, how we feel in the morning and when we need the next drink.
When not drinking feels worse
The trap becomes much clearer when we try to stop.
We might feel anxious, restless, shaky, sweaty, sick or unable to sleep when alcohol wears off. Then another drink can make us feel better quickly.
It looks like alcohol has helped, but it could only have eased some of the discomfort alcohol helped create. So we drink to feel normal, and that drink keeps the same problem going.
At that point, we may not be chasing a great night. We could be trying to get away from the way we feel without alcohol.
And that can be a sign that our body now expects alcohol to be there.
Seeing it without blaming ourselves
Many of us spent years asking why we kept doing this to ourselves. We thought we were weak, selfish or missing some kind of discipline that other people had.
But self-blame doesn’t explain tolerance, withdrawal, conditioned thoughts or the beliefs that made alcohol look useful. It just makes us feel worse, and feeling worse can give us another reason to drink.
We can take the trap seriously without needing a label for our drinking. If alcohol has become hard to control, hard to leave alone or something we need to feel right, that tells us enough.
Where the way out starts
The trap is hard to escape while alcohol still looks like the answer. So we start looking at the whole picture.
What discomfort is alcohol relieving? What has it taught us to expect? How has our normal amount changed? And what happens after the brief relief wears off?
Those questions can show us what the drink is really doing.
It can give us a short change in how we feel. Then it leaves us with more anxiety, more dependence, more regret and another reason to pour the next one.
This didn’t happen overnight. So we can start by looking at how alcohol became part of so many moments and what kept pulling us back.
— Brent