The thing is, saying no to alcohol isn't always the hardest part. Sometimes it's what happens next.
We say we aren't drinking, and somebody immediately wants to know why. Then come the questions. "Not even one?" "Are you sure?" "What's happened to you?"
Most people accept our answer and move on. But a drink pusher keeps offering, joking or trying to turn our decision into a group discussion. And when we've spent years drinking with these people, the pressure to drink can catch us off guard.
Why some people keep pushing
Sometimes they think they're being friendly. Drinking together has been part of the relationship, so our no feels unusual to them.
Other times, our decision makes them think about their own drinking. If we can stop, they might feel like we're silently saying something about them, even when we aren't.
We don't have to work out why they're doing it while somebody is holding a drink in front of us. Their reason doesn't change our answer.
Say no without starting a debate
A lot of us overexplain because we want the other person to understand. We talk about sleep, health, work, medication or taking a break.
The problem is, every reason can sound like something they can argue with. If we're taking a break, they tell us one won't hurt. If we're driving, they offer us a lift. If we're being healthy, they point to somebody who drinks and looks fine.
So a shorter answer usually works better: "No thanks, I'm not drinking." That's enough. We can be friendly without opening a debate.
Have the next answer ready
If they ask again, we don't need a new reason. We can repeat the same answer: "No, I'm good." "I'm not drinking tonight." Or, if they keep going, "I've already said no."
The firmer version might feel uncomfortable, especially if we're used to keeping everyone happy. But that discomfort usually passes much faster than the consequences of drinking to avoid an awkward moment.
We can also answer the question without explaining the reason. If somebody asks, "Why not?" we can say, "I just don't want one." If they joke that we've become boring, we can say, "You'll cope," and move on.
The exact words matter less than ending the discussion. A calm repeated answer gives the other person less to work with than a new explanation every time.
Make the practical part easy
It helps to get a non-alcoholic drink in our hand early, tell the server directly and have our own way home.
If, for example, we're at a client dinner and someone says, "Come on, have one with us," we can say, "No thanks, I'm good," and order something else. At a party, we might bring something we want to drink.
These small decisions save us from making the same choice again every time somebody offers. We can also rehearse the answer before we arrive.
Work events don't make alcohol part of the job
The pressure can feel stronger when clients, colleagues or senior people are involved. We may worry that refusing will look unfriendly or unprofessional.
But the event is there for a reason. We can talk to the client, listen properly and leave knowing exactly what we said. A drink isn't part of the job simply because other people are having one.
And if the pressure keeps going, we can move away, talk to somebody else or leave. We don't have to stay there to prove we can handle it.
Their reaction isn't our responsibility
We aren't responsible for making somebody else comfortable with our decision. We can say no without giving a speech, repeat it if we need to and get on with the evening.
The person pushing the drink might forget the conversation by tomorrow. We'd be the one left dealing with what happened afterwards.
— Brent