Most people will accept "No thanks" and move on. But every now and then, someone keeps going. "Come on, have one." "Why aren't you drinking?" "One won't hurt."
They might be joking, trying to include us or genuinely wondering why we're not drinking. Other times, they just won't leave it alone. And even when we don't actually want a drink, the pressure to drink can make the situation uncomfortable enough that we start looking for the quickest way to make it stop.
That's where having a simple response ready can help.
Keep the answer short
We don't need to give somebody our whole history with alcohol just because they've offered us a drink. Most of the time, something as simple as "No thanks, I'm good" is enough. Then order something else and carry on with the conversation.
If we're at a client dinner and someone says, "Come on, have one with us," we can say, "No thanks, I'm good," and order something else. We don't need to make a big thing of it.
In fact, if we keep adding reasons because someone won't accept the first one, it can make things harder. We might say we're driving and hear, "Just have one." We might mention an early start and get told one won't make any difference. There's nothing wrong with giving a reason if we want to. We just don't need to keep finding new ones.
A short answer usually gives the other person less to argue with.
We don't need to explain everything
It can feel like we need a reason that the other person will accept. But if we don't want a drink, we can simply say no.
Depending on who we're with and how much we want to say, we might use "No thanks, I'm good," "I'm not drinking tonight," "I don't drink anymore," or "I feel better without it." Or we can simply order what we do want.
Sometimes people ask because they're genuinely interested rather than trying to pressure us. We can decide how much we want to tell them. But if somebody is looking for a reason they can talk us out of, giving them more detail probably isn't going to help.
Why drink pushers keep going
Drink pushers can keep going for all sorts of reasons. For some people, offering alcohol is just automatic. Everyone else is drinking, so they offer us one as well. They may also remember us as somebody who used to drink with them and haven't got used to the change yet.
And sometimes our decision can make another person think about their own drinking. We don't need to assume that's what's happening, but it may explain why somebody is so interested in whether we're drinking.
Whatever the reason, we don't have to work it out in the moment. We can answer the question and move on.
When it's someone from work
It can feel different when the person pushing the drink is a boss, client, colleague or somebody we want to make a good impression on. We might worry that saying no will make us look awkward or like we're not joining in.
Usually we don't need to make it that complicated. We can say, "No thanks, I'm good," or "I'm not drinking tonight. I'll grab a sparkling water," and then keep talking about whatever we were talking about.
If they ask why and we want to give them something more, we can keep that simple too. "I feel better without it." "I've got an early start." "I'm sharper the next day without it." We can choose whatever feels natural without telling them anything we don't want to share.
If they keep pushing
Some people won't take the first answer. If that happens, we can give them the same answer again. We don't need a new explanation every time they ask.
We can also change the subject, speak to somebody else, get up to order our own drink or move away from the conversation. And if somebody keeps pushing after we've made ourselves clear, we don't have to drink just to make the awkwardness go away.
Sometimes we may need to be firmer and say, "I've already said no," or, "I'm not drinking. Let's leave it there."
And if they still won't let it go, we can leave the conversation or leave the situation. We don't need to stand there while somebody keeps trying to wear us down.
Have the answer ready
The first few times can feel awkward simply because we're not used to doing it. When drinking was our normal, accepting the drink didn't require much thought. Saying no is the newer response.
So it helps to decide beforehand what we're going to say. We don't need ten different responses. One or two that sound natural to us are enough, and if we know an event could be difficult, we can rehearse the answer before we go.
Then when somebody offers us a drink, we don't have to work anything out. We already know what we're going to say.
And after we've done it a few times, it usually becomes far less of an event. People get used to us not drinking, we get used to saying no and the conversation moves on.
— Brent