Most of us don’t realize we’re stuck in a cycle until it’s already got us in its grip.
We have a drink, we regret it, we promise ourselves we’ll cut back… and then somehow, we’re right back where we started.
And here’s the thing. It’s not because we’re lazy.
It’s not because we’re broken.
It’s not because we don’t care enough.
It’s because we’re caught in something predictable.
Something that runs in the background, quietly looping until we notice.
One of the most common versions of that loop is something I call the Cycle of WARF:
Withdrawals. Anxiety. Regret. Frustration.
It can start so subtly that we don’t even know we’ve stepped onto the ride.
Usually, it begins with our bodies reacting to alcohol’s absence, not loudly, but enough to push us towards our next drink.
Let’s go through it, stage by stage.
Stage 1: Withdrawals — The Quiet Start
You wake up after drinking and you just feel… off.
Maybe it’s physical:
- Grogginess that coffee can’t quite fix
- Dry mouth or dehydration
- Restlessness that makes it hard to settle
Or maybe it’s mental:
- Irritability
- Short fuse with people
- That low, gray mood you can’t shake
These aren’t random “bad days.”
They’re mild withdrawals, your body’s way of reacting when it doesn’t get its regular dose of alcohol.
Here’s the tricky part. Most of us don’t recognize them for what they are.
So instead of addressing the cause, we reach for the so-called “solution”… another drink.
And that’s when the next stage creeps in quietly but powerfully.
Stage 2: Anxiety — The Emotional Rebound
Even if a drink smooths the edges for a moment, it’s already setting up the next wave: alcohol-induced anxiety.
When alcohol leaves your system, your stress hormones spike.
Your nervous system works overtime trying to rebalance.
The result?
- You feel wired and restless
- You’re on edge without knowing why
- There’s a subtle but constant unsettled feeling
This isn’t “just anxiety.”
It’s withdrawal-driven tension that alcohol created in the first place.
And once that haze clears, something else shows up.
Something a little heavier.
Stage 3: Regret — When the Fog Lifts
The buzz fades. Clarity returns.
And right behind it comes regret.
“Why did I do that again?”
“I told myself I wouldn’t…”
“I feel like I’ve let myself down.”
Sometimes the regret is just a faint whisper.
Other times, it’s a gut punch.
But either way, it pulls us into self-judgment.
And that judgment opens the door to the next stage, a stage that keeps the cycle alive.
Stage 4: Frustration — The Loop Tightens
Now comes the frustration.
Frustration with ourselves.
Frustration with the habit.
Frustration with how much harder it feels to change than we thought it would.
The thoughts can be relentless:
- “I should know better.”
- “Why can’t I just stop?”
- “Maybe I can just moderate instead…”
And when the frustration gets too loud, we reach for the fastest escape we know.
We drink.
Which restarts the cycle from the top: withdrawals, anxiety, regret, frustration, over and over.
But here’s the thing. This cycle isn’t proof that you’re weak. It’s proof that alcohol has a system.
WARF Isn’t About Willpower. It’s About the System
Once you see the WARF cycle, it’s hard to unsee it.
This loop isn’t personal.
It’s mechanical.
Alcohol creates the problem, then disguises itself as the fix.
It’s like setting a fire and then showing up with a glass of water.
We don’t stay stuck because we don’t care.
We stay stuck because we haven’t interrupted the loop.
And the way out isn’t about muscling through or shaming ourselves.
It starts with something a lot gentler.
The First Step Out: Awareness
You don’t have to break the whole cycle in one heroic leap.
All you need to do is spot where you are in it.
If you’re in withdrawals, focus on your body. Hydrate. Move. Breathe.
If you’re in anxiety, remind yourself it’s chemical, not forever.
If you’re in regret, let it guide you without letting it define you.
If you’re in frustration, pause and breathe. You’re not failing. You’re noticing.
The more clearly you see WARF, the easier it is to take even one small step out of it.
Because this cycle?
It’s not who you are.
It’s just a loop.
And every loop can be broken.
— Brent