You wake up saying, “Never again.”
You mean it.
But by the end of the day, you’re pouring another drink.
It’s not that you don’t want to quit.
It’s not that you don’t care.
And it’s definitely not because you’re weak.
What you’re feeling is cognitive dissonance—a mental tug-of-war between what you believe and what you do.
And it’s exhausting.
What Is Cognitive Dissonance?
Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort we feel when we hold two competing thoughts or beliefs at the same time.
It’s an internal conflict—like believing we want clarity and control, but also believing alcohol helps us relax.
And when we behave in ways that favor one belief over the other, that tension becomes harder to ignore.
To reduce it, the brain looks for a way out—usually by justifying the behavior or numbing the discomfort.
In the context of drinking, it might sound like:
“I deserve a break.”
“I’m not drinking that much.”
“I’ll get serious tomorrow.”
These aren’t just excuses—they’re coping mechanisms.
They help reduce the tension between the version of ourselves we want to be and the version we’re acting out.
How It Shows Up with Alcohol
If you’re here, there’s a good chance you hold two conflicting truths:
- You want clarity, control, and performance
- You still find yourself drinking—often more than you planned
You might believe alcohol helps you unwind, feel confident, or stay social.
But at the same time, you know it’s holding you back.
It’s costing you time, energy, and self-respect.
This push-pull is more than frustrating—it’s draining.
Because every time you drink against your deeper intention, that internal tension grows.
And the more tension you feel, the more likely you are to reach for the very thing causing it.
Why It Feeds the Drinking Loop
Here’s where it gets tricky:
The dissonance creates discomfort—and drinking relieves that discomfort.
Temporarily.
You drink to escape the guilt.
But the drinking causes more guilt.
So you rationalize.
And the loop repeats.
Cognitive dissonance becomes both the trigger and the trap.
The more often this happens, the harder it is to trust your own promises.
And that’s when it starts to feel like you’re losing control—not just of your drinking, but of your sense of self.
The TRAP: How This Loop Keeps You Stuck
Here’s how cognitive dissonance feeds the cycle—until you break it.
T – Tension
You feel the discomfort between your values and your actions.
R – Rationalize
To ease the tension, you justify or minimize the behavior:
“I deserve it.” “It’s just one.”
A – Act Again
You repeat the behavior (drinking), which temporarily relieves the discomfort.
P – Penalty
Guilt, regret, and self-doubt return—feeding the tension again.
💡 TRAP: It’s the loop that keeps you stuck—until you break it by changing the belief, not just the behavior.
How to Break the Loop
The first step is awareness.
Recognize that this isn’t about willpower—it’s about an unresolved internal conflict.
The second step is to get honest—without shame—about both sides of the story:
- What do you still believe alcohol is giving you?
- And what is it actually costing you?
Until you reconcile those beliefs, the behavior won’t shift.
You don’t need to hate alcohol.
You just need to stop giving it credit it doesn’t deserve.
That’s when the internal alignment begins.
Real change happens when your actions match your values—not just your goals.
When your identity catches up with your intention.
That’s not a mindset shift—it’s a structural one.
The Tug-of-War No One Talks About
You’ve likely lived this:
Morning: I’m done with drinking. I don’t need it.
Evening: Maybe just one. Tonight might be different.
It’s a mental ping-pong match—where both players are you.
One side knows drinking leads nowhere.
The other still believes it offers something—relief, fun, connection.
And here’s the problem: this game isn’t fair.
It’s not about logic. It’s about fatigue.
Eventually, we don’t lose the debate because alcohol wins—we lose because we’re too worn down to keep arguing.
The only way to win is to stop playing.
When we stop believing alcohol adds value, there’s nothing left to argue with.
No mental tug-of-war. Just clarity. Just peace.
Want a simple way to visualize this internal conflict?
→ Read: Choosing Sobriety: The Tale of Two Wolves and the Path to Recovery
You’re Not Broken—You’re in Conflict
Feeling this internal tug-of-war doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you’re becoming more self-aware.
And that’s a good sign.
Because once you recognize the dissonance for what it is, you can stop fighting yourself—and start building something stronger in its place.
Not with more rules.
Not with more willpower.
But with clarity, alignment, and purpose.
That’s how real change begins.
— Brent