Alcohol can take up a surprising amount of our head even when there isn't a drink in our hand. We think about whether we'll drink, when we'll start, how much is left at home and whether anyone has noticed.
Then there are all the rules: not tonight, only two, nothing before dinner, and we’ll stop again on Monday. All that thinking takes energy. And many of us don't realise how much until the argument in our head finally stops.
The drinking day starts early
The first drink might be at six, but the mental work can start hours before that.
We could wake up regretting the night before and promise ourselves we won't drink. Then by the afternoon, we're already starting to talk ourselves out of it.
Part of us wants to stop. Another part still believes a drink will make the evening better. So we keep going back and forwards over the same decision. That's exhausting, especially when we're also trying to run a business, manage people or make difficult decisions.
Then there's the effort of looking fine
Heavy drinkers who keep performing often become very good at covering the cost. We check messages, piece together conversations, get ourselves ready and make sure nobody sees how rough the morning feels.
We may still do good work. But some of our mental energy is going into feeling normal enough to do it. Getting through the day isn't proof that alcohol didn't affect us. It may be proof that we've become very practised at getting through it.
Why evenings are harder
By evening, we've already made hundreds of decisions. If we also spent the day arguing with alcohol thoughts, the familiar answer becomes easier to follow.
That's one reason another promise or stricter rule often isn't enough. It creates more mental work without changing what we believe the drink will do for us.
We don't only need a better plan for six o'clock. We need to stop alcohol looking like the reward, relief or escape we're giving up.
What comes back when the argument stops
When we stop negotiating with alcohol every day, we get that space back.
We don't need to remember what we promised ourselves, count drinks or work out whether tonight is an exception. We don't need to recover from the night before while pretending we're fine.
And the change may show up in ordinary ways. We concentrate for longer. We listen properly. We finish work without immediately thinking about alcohol.
The thing is, sobriety shouldn't need to become another full-time job in our head. The belief behind the drinking needs attention too. When alcohol stops looking useful, not drinking takes far less mental effort.
— Brent