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Part 4 of 5: Mental Rewiring
When we first quit drinking, the hardest part usually isn’t the physical craving. It’s the nagging sense that we’re losing something.
That little voice whispers:
You’re missing out.
Life won’t be as fun.
I’ll be left out
I’m giving something up.
This is the illusion of deprivation. It’s a mental trick that convinces us alcohol was adding something valuable to our lives.
But when we look closer, the truth is clear.
We’re not missing out.
We’re not deprived.
We’re finally being set free.
The feeling of deprivation comes from belief, not from giving up alcohol.
How the Deprivation Cycle Starts
Here’s how it usually plays out:
- A drinking thought shows up: This would be better with wine.
- That thought sparks an urge.
- We resist the urge because we’ve decided to quit.
- Resistance creates tension.
- Tension feels uncomfortable.
- We label that discomfort as deprivation.
But the deprivation doesn’t come from not drinking. It comes from believing drinking is still desirable.
We Don’t Actually Want Alcohol
If we dig beneath a craving, we usually find something else entirely.
We want relief from stress.
We want to feel safe, calm, happy, or connected.
We want the urge to go away.
If we still carry the belief that alcohol delivers that relief, the craving feels real, even though it rests on a false promise.
That’s the trap.
The “Want” Is an Illusion
Just because a feeling shows up as desire doesn’t mean it’s true desire.
When a craving hits, pause and ask:
- What am I actually needing right now?
- Is alcohol really the solution, or just the old default?
- Have I ever woken up the next day feeling better because I drank?
That last question can be powerful. If we’re honest, the answer is almost always no.
When There’s No Desire, There’s No Struggle
Sobriety feels effortless when there’s no urge left to resist.
If we remove the desire to drink, there’s no deprivation, no tension, and no struggle. Just peace.
And we remove desire by replacing the belief underneath it.
Old belief: “Alcohol helps.”
New truth: “It promises relief but leaves me foggy.”
Old belief: “Drinking made me free.”
New truth: “Freedom is having control, not numbing out.”
Desire Is Just a Habit
Many people think if they still want alcohol, they must not be ready to quit. That isn’t true.
That “want” is just a leftover habit. A reflex built from years of pairing alcohol with relief.
It isn’t personal. It isn’t permanent.
And most importantly, it isn’t you.
How to Break the Illusion
Here’s a simple way to loosen the grip of that “missing out” feeling:
- Spot the thought. Notice when the old story appears.
- Name it. Say, “That’s the old story.”
- Separate the feeling. Desire is learned, not commanded.
- Refocus on reality. Remind yourself what alcohol actually delivers.
- Return to truth. Keep a few reminders ready:
- “I don’t need alcohol to feel good.”
- “The craving will pass. It always does.”
- “Drinking would take more than it gives.”
The more we do this, the weaker the craving gets. The illusion loses its hold.
True freedom isn’t about resisting what we want. It’s about not wanting what harms us.
You’re Not Giving Something Up. You’re Getting Your Edge Back.
The illusion of deprivation is one of the last mental hurdles in sobriety. Once we break it, we stop white-knuckling. We stop wishing things were different.
We just live, clear, calm, and steady in the truth. That is real power.
— Brent
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