For years, alcohol might have been the button we pressed whenever we didn’t like how we felt. Stress, boredom, awkwardness, anger or a difficult thought came up, and we changed the feeling as quickly as possible.
So when we stop drinking, ordinary discomfort can feel like a sign that something has gone wrong. It hasn’t. We might simply be feeling something that alcohol used to cut short.
Feeling uncomfortable doesn’t mean we need a drink
An urge can feel urgent without being an emergency. We might feel restless, irritated or unable to imagine enjoying the night. The old answer appears because alcohol changed those feelings quickly before.
But the feeling and the action are two separate things. We can be uncomfortable and still eat, walk, shower, breathe or do whatever the next part of the evening needs.
This doesn’t mean sitting still and daring the craving to beat us. We can change rooms, cancel a plan, make food or go to bed early.
Accepting discomfort doesn’t mean we refuse to make the moment easier in a sensible way. It means we stop making alcohol the thing we need in order to feel better.
We give the feeling time to change while we do something that doesn’t create another problem tomorrow.
The feeling doesn’t have to disappear straight away
One reason discomfort catches us out is that we expect a quick result. Alcohol changed the feeling within minutes, so anything slower can feel like it isn’t working.
Maybe the urge eases in ten minutes. It might hang around for an hour, come back later or leave us feeling flat for the evening.
None of that means not drinking has made the feeling permanent.
We don’t need to watch the clock waiting for the moment it disappears. We only need to stop treating the feeling as proof that alcohol is required.
Getting through it shows us something
Every time we move through a feeling without alcohol, we learn that it can change without a drink. We also get a better idea of what was underneath it.
Maybe we needed food, rest, a difficult conversation or simply time. Alcohol stopped us finding that out because it changed the feeling before we had a chance to see what was really going on.
And if the same feeling keeps coming back, that tells us something too. We might need to deal with a work problem, change part of the evening or get proper help with something that isn’t sorting itself out.
Make the moment smaller
We don’t have to think about tolerating discomfort forever. We can deal with the next ten minutes, leave the event, change the environment or just focus on the next decision.
The craving tools are there to help with exactly that. They give us something practical to do while the feeling runs its course.
It also helps to decide the next action before the difficult moment arrives. If evenings are the problem, food can be ready and alcohol can be out of the house. If an event is likely to feel awkward, we can already know how we’ll leave.
We don’t have to enjoy feeling uncomfortable. We only need to stop treating that feeling as proof that we need alcohol.
— Brent