Many of us know alcohol is costing us too much and still feel frightened by the thought of stopping. We might fear the evenings, work events, holidays or the first difficult day without our usual escape. And we may wonder who we'll be without it.
That fear can keep us drinking long after drinking stopped being enjoyable.
We picture the drink, not what comes afterwards
When we think about quitting, the mind often goes straight to the drink we're giving up. It doesn't show us the three-in-the-morning anxiety, the tired morning or another promise we didn't keep. It shows us the first drink after a hard day. So quitting looks like losing relief, while continuing to drink looks familiar and safe.
But familiar isn't the same as safe. We already know what continuing costs because we're living it.
Alcohol can end up doing too many jobs
Alcohol can become our reward, the way we switch off, a source of social confidence and the thing we reach for when we're bored or worried. If alcohol seems to be doing all those jobs, of course taking it away feels like a big deal. The thing is, alcohol was never doing those jobs without a cost. The short relief came with poorer sleep, less energy and a growing need for the next drink.
Once we question the beliefs attached to alcohol, quitting stops looking like one huge empty space.
What are we actually afraid will happen?
"Life will be boring." "I won't cope with stress." "People will think I'm strange."
Those thoughts can feel certain, but they're still predictions. So it helps to make them specific. Which evening are we worried about? Which person are we expecting to judge us? What happened the last time we drank to cope with stress? If there's a real situation we're worried about, we can plan for it. But a vague fear can keep us trapped for years because we never stop to question it.
The fear before stopping isn't life afterwards
We judge alcohol-free life while we're still wanting alcohol. That doesn't tell us what life afterwards will really feel like. At that point, we're imagining every event with something missing. We haven't yet had the clear mornings, the easier decisions or the relief of no longer arguing with ourselves.
So we don't need to feel completely fearless before we stop. We just need to remember we're judging life without alcohol while we still think alcohol has something valuable to offer.
Stopping safely is still stopping
If we need a withdrawal plan, putting it in place is part of stopping. It doesn't change the decision. It just means we stop in the right way instead of letting the fear keep us drinking. We might still feel frightened at the beginning. That doesn't mean the fear was right.
— Brent